{"id":700,"date":"2025-09-17T18:13:15","date_gmt":"2025-09-17T18:13:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/counseling.baysideonline.com\/?p=700"},"modified":"2026-03-18T09:49:57","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T17:49:57","slug":"5-steps-to-stop-the-drama","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/counseling.baysideonline.com\/?p=700","title":{"rendered":"5 Steps to Stop the Drama"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Written by Jeremy Bouris, LPCC<\/em>

\u201cI need drama in my life to keep making music.\u201d -Marshall Mathers III 

Drama is to humans, what swimming is to fish, or flying is to birds. It\u2019s so common it feels natural, but everyone knows how unnaturally toxic drama can be. Drama looks innocent enough: whispering, secrets, side-eye and eye rolls, but drama is tiring and destructive, and as we all know it escalates. So, whether you\u2019re hearing the drama, making the drama, or hating the drama, this article will give you 5 steps to break out of the drama triangle. 

1. Understand the Drama Dance<\/strong> 
In the late 1960\u2019s psychiatrist Stephen Karpman coined the term \u201cDrama Triangle\u201d to help people understand how drama starts and perpetuates. The illustration is that of a triangle, with each corner representing three distinct yet interdependent roles: 
– Persecutor (Criticizes\/blames\/aggresses\/or uses anger to feel in control and avoid vulnerability) 
– Victim (Acts Oppressed\/Powerless\/or helpless to manipulate and feel vindicated and avoid responsibility) 
– Rescuer (Saves, rescues, or protects often without solicitation to feel important and avoid their own problems) 
**Often within a drama triangle roles can shift more than once<\/em> 
Notice how all of us within our preferred role have an underlying feeling and motivation within our behavior (although often we are unaware of it). Which leads us to the second step of breaking out of the drama: 

2. Know Your Role in the Drama <\/strong>
There is a great saying: \u201cAn ounce of reflection is worth a pound of learning.\u201d Asking the question \u201cWhat\u2019s my go to role in the drama triangle?\u201d will bring you into self-awareness. Are you more prone to rescue your co-worker or blame them? Are you always finding yourself as the victim at work or in relationships? Asking these kinds of questions can guide you to where you\u2019ll need to grow to break out of the drama. Counseling can be a huge help here if you find a significant pattern throughout your life. 

3. Slow Your Role in the Drama (Pun intended)<\/strong> 
Drama is fueled by quick knee jerk reactions. The faster the reactions the more intense the drama. If we are going to break out of the drama triangle we need to buy ourself some more time. So once you identify your go to role work to resist the instant impulse to rescue, criticize or be offended. Taking a deep breath, or going for a walk, or just staying silent can all be EXCELLENT steps when you feel the drama building in the room. 

4. Choose your New Role<\/strong> 
Once you know your typical role in the drama triangle you can begin to decide which role you\u2019d like to play instead. Often this means transforming the drama role into a healing role: 
–<\/em> Persecutors<\/em> move from anger to assertive challenge without contempt, with the belief that they people can change over time with consistency and patience. Calm challenge from a kind space is an incredibly powerful thing. 
– Victims<\/em> move from passive or helpless to more activated roles, becoming self-starters, that work to solve the problem directly with the critical party, avoiding the desire to invite a rescuer into the triangle to bail them out. Knowing you\u2019re in control of your own life\/emotions\/choices is often very liberating to someone breaking free of a victim mindset. 
– Rescuers<\/em> move from enabling or defending roles into encouraging coaches, who inspire would-be victims to take ownership and solve their problem directly with the potential persecutors, empowering victim types to own their story and their future with more confidence. 

5. Prayerfully Practice Your Role <\/strong>
Lastly, be patient with yourself and prayerfully ask God which relationships might be the right ones to begin shifting your role. If you\u2019re a persecutor type, you might need to learn how to be kind with your boundary setting, and you\u2019ll need to pray about the right wording and tone to use. If you\u2019re more of a victim type, you might pray for wisdom about which relationship you can become more of a problem solver than you have been before. If you\u2019re a rescuing type, pray for eyes to see the subtle invitation to rescue and ask Him to take the job of rescuer back from you. Remember that God always gives more grace, so wherever we need more grace to stop the drama we can ask in faith and he will deliver.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\"\tBayside<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Read<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\"\tBayside<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Listen<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

How to Succeed at the Drama Triangle with Danny Wood<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\"\tBayside<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Watch<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

How to Recognize When You\u2019re in the Drama Triangle<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div><\/div>

Jeremy Bouris<\/h2>

Staff Therapist & Director<\/em><\/p>

Jeremy has been on staff at Bayside since 2020 and his graduate education was completed at Covenant Seminary in both Counseling and Divinity. He has extensive experience working with couples and individuals; specializing in sexual addiction, trauma, and spiritual abuse. <\/div>
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