| Written By Jeremy Bouris, LPCC Our 6th grade classroom was in a portable on the edge of the campus tucked underneath three large oak trees. I was 11 and the fall brisk air was a sign of the beginning of fall. The homeroom bell rang, and the shuffle of backpacks and papers filled the class. I looked around, “huh, that’s weird” “Where’s Todd? Todd’s always here,” my brain attempted to brush it off. Roll call…still no Todd. 24 hours before we all were laughing. We always laughed at his jokes, his play, his goofiness. But Todd wasn’t just goofy; Todd was also generous. Friday was donut day, and if you brought a quarter, you could buy a sugar donut. Todd always had an extra quarter to share if you needed one, which he shared with me many times (no small thing for an 11 year old). Goofy and generous, that’s why we laughed the day before, when 11-year-old Todd asked five 11-year-old boys what we would do if he killed himself. 24 hours later, the grey phone on the wall rings. Our teacher slowly walks over, I watch her with an uncharacteristic observation. The thoughts race, “no way, he wouldn’t… he couldn’t do it…..Oh, God, please tell me he’s sick. He’s got to be just sick. Please be sick. God, please let him be sick…” As our teachers face went numb white while she took the call, so did my heart….The night before Todd had taken his own life. I still wish I could take myself back and tell Todd the truth (that’s normal) about what we’d do if he killed himself. The truth that we’d never be the same… and we’d never forget him, but for a lot of the wrong reasons. I’d tell him that I’d rather bring him a quarter or fifty, and we’d eat donuts together every Friday, and enjoy being goofy 11-year-olds. Suicide is one of the most complicated griefs to process and is best done together. As we remember the friends and family we’ve lost to suicide in September, here are some things to consider doing to honor their life: 1. Find a group: Grieving is best done in relationship. Those that know, know, and those that know don’t have to say much to provide your healing heart comfort. Their presence is enough. GriefShare is a great ministry that can aid in this journey. 2. Find a grief doula: Whether a therapist, a pastor, or an experienced friend, someone who has walked the grief road ahead will greatly benefit you in your journey! As always, Bayside Counseling Center has trained grief therapists that can support you in your journey. 3. Honor your process and the process: No two grief journeys are the same, but healing is always made up of the same ingredients, namely, emotional honesty and openness, as well as assimilating the loss into our new life of meaning. As you consider the resources mentioned in this letter, consider the repeated themes and ingredients for the grief process |
Read
The Wilderness of Suicide Grief by Alan Wolfelt, PhD
Listen
I Shouldn’t Feel Alone in My Grief with Dr. Alison Cook
Watch
Suicide Survivor Story
Jeremy Bouris
Staff Therapist and Director
Jeremy has been on staff at Bayside since 2020 and his graduate education was completed at Covenant Seminary in both Counseling and Divinity. He has extensive experience working with couples and individuals; specializing in sexual addiction, trauma, and spiritual abuse.