| Written by Lori Coburn, LMFT Christmas and holiday movies have become a well-loved family tradition, offering a heartwarming escape from the stressful hustle and bustle of the season. These films capture the spirit of Christmas in a way that resonates with audiences of all ages. From classic films like It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol to more contemporary favorites such as Home Alone and Elf, holiday movies often blend warmth, humor and sentimentality. And yet, it is often the not-so-heartwarming aspects of the movie characters that tug at our hearts. We might find ourselves connecting with their awkward family gatherings, personal struggles, feelings of loss or even their hope that the holidays will soon be over. Characters such as: Kevin McCallister (Home Alone): He wishes his family would disappear. The Grinch (How the Grinch Stole Christmas): He is ill-tempered, hates the Christmas Season and has a “heart two sizes too small.” Ebenezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol): He is stingy, lacks compassion for others and hates all things Christmas. Clark Griswold (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation): His desire to create the perfect Christmas for his family often leads to disastrous results. George Bailey (It’s a Wonderful Life): He sacrifices himself and his own desires for the needs of others. Luther Krank (Christmas with the Kranks): He is disillusioned by having to face the first Christmas without his daughter and decides to skip Christmas altogether this year. Buddy the Elf (Elf): He embraces all that the Christmas season has to offer with utter abandon. Cindy Lou Who (How the Grinch Stole Christmas): She displays genuine Christmas Sprit and recognizes the true meaning of Christmas. Which character are you feeling most like this year? In 2023, a poll of U.S. adults indicated that 89% felt more overwhelmed than normal during the holiday season. This stress was connected to concern over not having enough money, missing loved ones and/or anticipating family conflict. If you are struggling with Christmas this season, here are some helpful strategies: Establish a vision for your holiday season. This will help prioritize your time and energy. Start by identifying what truly matters to you — whether it’s spending quality time with family, giving back to others, or simply taking time for self-care and relaxation. Plan and prioritize the activities that bring you joy and feed your sense of purpose. Reduce distress with mindful boundaries; try not to overcommit to too many events. The Harvard Study of Adult Development identified that our happiness increases when we focus on what is actually important to us and let go of things that mean less. Ask yourself: “What is really important to me this year?” “What will I miss if I don’t do it this Christmas Season?” or “What can I live without?” By creating a vision for your holiday season, you can regain a sense of control and identify the aspects of Christmas that might truly bring you joy. Prepare for gatherings with difficult people during the holiday season. If you have gatherings with difficult people, it will help you to prepare in advance. Set intentions for your own behavior, remembering that you cannot control others, you can only control yourself. Plan ahead by establishing internal boundaries, such as knowing when to walk away from a tense conversation or how to redirect discussions into more neutral territory. It can be helpful to have a script with a few neutral topics of conversation ready, avoiding controversial subjects that might lead to conflict. Consider bringing a game or activity that might minimize the need for conversation. Above all, practice self-care before and after the gathering, ensuring that you give yourself space to recharge. By mentally preparing, staying grounded, and setting healthy limits, you can improve your ability to navigate difficult holiday gatherings and maintain your own peace of mind. Allow space to feel your emotions. Christmas is complicated. If you are feeling similar emotions to Ebenezer Scrooge or The Grinch, you may be experiencing anger, frustration, loss or grief. If you gravitate towards Buddy the Elf, you might be full of joy and happiness. But for most of us, we will experience all those emotions throughout the Christmas Season. The absence of loved ones, the pressure of unrealistic expectations, or the weight of past experiences can make this season difficult. The hope of creating magical memories for our children can fill us with joy. Thoughts of connecting with long lost family can trigger extreme emotional responses. Instead of pushing these emotions aside, acknowledge them with compassion and give yourself permission to feel whatever arises. Take a quiet moment for yourself, reach out to someone you trust, or simply sit with your emotions without judgment. By embracing the full spectrum of feelings, both the positive and the negative, you can honor your emotional needs and live more authentically with yourself. Know that you are not alone. Christmas isn’t about perfection or keeping up with every tradition. And if you will indulge, one last character from another story – as told in Luke 2:10-11: “The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.” We here at Bayside Counseling Center want you to know that you are part of a larger community. We care about you. If you are feeling lost or alone, please reach out to us. We have therapists that can help. |
Lori Coburn
Clinical Supervisor
Lori has been in practice for 9 years and currently runs a private practice out of Folsom , CA. Her graduate education was completed in Marriage and Family Counseling. Lori’s passion is to help her clients tell their story through making them feel safe and seen.